Where Were the Angels?
by Stumblefoot
Summary: Three weeks after "The End." Raven realizes something was missing. Beast Boy and Raven. Reviews very welcome, thank you. Not sure about the genres. T rating for mild swearing. Complete.
1. Chapter 1

Half A War

"Listen, B, I'm telling you, she's all right. Pass the bacon. No – the REAL bacon."

Beast Boy passed the plate gloomily, making sure he didn't touch what was on it. Robin, Starfire, and Cyborg were all happily eating breakfast, but he was too worried. "She won't come out of her room."

Cyborg rolled his eye. "What else is new? Look, three weeks ago the world ended, Raven turned into a little kid and back again, and it all ended when she destroyed her own father. Maybe she's got a few things to think about. Pass the milk. No – the REAL milk."

Beast Boy pushed the jug across the table. "This is different. She's really upset. She won't say anything during combat practice, but I can tell, I –"

"Did you miss what I just said about the world ending? Trigon getting destroyed? You'd be upset too. Me, I'd just be glad it was over."

"Maybe it's not over," Beast Boy muttered. "Maybe he's coming back."

"Maybe," Robin said, helping himself to more scrambled eggs. "But we can't sit around worrying about it, Beast Boy. We have other bad guys – bad guys like Slade and Brother Blood – to prepare for."

"So why do we sit around worrying about Raven?" Beast Boy asked. "It's okay for her to stay in her room all the time, and we never do anything about it. We just wait, we figure it's none of our business –'"

Cyborg put his fork down. "What's the matter with you, man?"

"Nothing's the matter with me! I've been trying to tell you guys about this for over a week now, and nobody will listen!"

Starfire interjected, "Raven is – complicated. There are -"

"Damn it!" Beast Boy slammed his mug down on the table and everyone jumped. "We always say that! It's not right! She's our friend and we shouldn't just ignore her!" He grabbed his dishes and tossed them in the sink. "If you won't help her, I will!"

Silence followed him as she stomped out of the great room.

Robin sighed. "It's okay, Star. He's not mad at you. He's just mad in general." He looked at Cyborg, sitting at the end of the table. "He's got it bad."

Cyborg snorted. "He's going to get it worse if he tries anything with Raven."

"Please," Starfire began timidly, "Could it not be that he is right? We do leave her alone, and she does spend much time in her room."

Robin shook his head. "It's not our place to interfere, Star. And frankly -" he ran his hand through his hair. "I love Raven like a sister, but most of the time I don't even _understand_ her problems. If she had come to me at the beginning, and told me she was half a demon, and that she was fated to destroy the world -" he shrugged and half smiled. "I probably would have thrown her in jail.

"We just have to wait. Raven's better than she was. She'll tell us when she needs help."

"Yeah," Cyborg said laconically, "Any minute now she's going to tell us she needs help getting away from Beast Boy."

TtTtTtTtTt

Beast Boy stood outside Raven's door, hearing the muffled chanting from within. He pressed one pointed ear to the door to hear better.

_ego te provoco _

_integer vitae scelerisque purus _

_fiat angelorum _

_non sum qualis eram_

"That's not English," he said to himself. "Is it a spell?" He knocked. "Raven? Raven, I saved you breakfast."

There was no answer. Just the chanting.

"Raven," Beast Boy started, "I'm worried about you." In the back of his mind he wondered, _Why is it easier to talk to a closed door than Raven?_ "You're in your room even more often than usual. Please come out and have something to eat?"

_ego te provoco _

_lux, capax infiniti..._

"Raven? You're not leaving, are you? You told us that Azarath was destroyed. You're not going back there?"

_fiat angelorum !_

_ego te provoco _

_fons et origo..._

A white light began spilling out from under the door. Beast Boy didn't have to be near the door to hear a rushing noise that got louder and louder...

_non sum qualis eram!_

Beast Boy began frantically hitting buttons on the override panel.

_NON SUM QUALIS ERAM!_

The door burst open. Beast Boy, rushing in, got confused impressions of a complicated sigil on the floor, light filling the room from above and below, and Raven standing, eyes closed, in the middle of a circle of fine white sand. "Raven! Don't leave!'

Raven's eyes snapped open. Seeing him her face paled. "Get out of here!"

"No! I won't let you leave!"

"I'm not going to -"

Beast Boy jumped at her, trying to get across the circle. "I won't let you leave!"

As he crossed the line of the circle, the white light became absolute, filling all their senses. Beast Boy froze, feeling the energy of the spell rushing through him. Finally there was a huge noise, like the largest thunderclap in the universe, and they both vanished.

TtTtTtTtTtTt

"_Get off me."_

Beast Boy opened his eyes. He was sprawled across Raven, who was trying to shove him off and pull her cloak around her at the same time. He rolled away and got to his feet, blushing. "My bad."

Raven stood up and straightened her cloak. "One spell," she said to the universe, "My first one in weeks. That sigil took me hours, figuring out the words took me days! I'd just about gotten it right -" she glared at Beast Boy, "and here he comes..."

Beast Boy turned away, "I'm sorry. I just didn't want you to leave."

"If you'd let me finish," Raven snapped, "You would have heard me say I wasn't leaving. Not for good. There was just a place I had to go."

Beast Boy looked around. There was nothing to see, really. Just a great gray plain filled with mists. Vaguely, at the edge of his hearing, he could make out half words, occasional laughter and shouts. "Where are we?"

Raven sighed. "We're in heaven."


	2. Chapter 2

"Dude!" Beast Boy looked around again. "Like, _heaven_ heaven? Where people go when they –" he stopped suddenly. "Raven! My parents! Can we –"

Raven winced. _I shouldn't have said that._ She grabbed Beast Boy's arm before he could go tearing off – no way she'd be able to find him again in this place. "Not that kind of heaven. This is where angels live. The sounds you hear are their intercessions with humankind, but nobody's here but us."

"Angels? _Angels_ angels? With the wings and -"

"Yes!" Raven yelled, suddenly exasperated. "We're in _heaven_ heaven and there are _angels_ angels and I'm a _demon_ demon! Didn't you ever wonder, Beast Boy?" She shook his arm. "You know about me. You know about demons. Didn't you ever wonder about angels?"

Beast Boy pulled his arm away but not before she felt him trembling. "Half," he mumbled.

"What?"

He stuck his chin out and glared at her. "You're only half a demon. You're not pure evil. You're not Trigon." Rubbing his arm, he added quietly, "And I don't wonder about that stuff. I get mixed up."

"Well, you don't have to wonder now," Raven growled. "There are angels and this is heaven and if you hadn't interrupted my spell I'd already have some answers." There were no landmarks in the mist. Everything looked the same. She picked a direction at random and set out, Beast Boy trotting along beside her.. "The spell was designed to take me into a court of angels. You broke it. We'll walk. Someone will notice us eventually."

Beast Boy glanced at her sideways. "Your eyes have gone all red."

Raven put her hood up. "I'm not comfortable here. I don't have anything against angels but they have every right to hate me."

"They won't – hurt us, will they?"

"They won't hurt you. You're human, and you're a hero. Me, I don't know."

"Dude, you're a hero too."

Raven shrugged.

They kept walking. Eventually Beast Boy asked, "What was that thing you were saying over and over in your spell? None sum quality ram?"

"Non sum qualis eram. It's Latin. It means I am not as I was." Raven's mouth quirked. "Basically I was promising not to come up here and get evil all over the carpet."

"They should know you're not what you were. Don't you think they were paying attention when the world ended?"

"That's why I'm here," Raven said grimly. "It's been bothering me. We won, but where were they? We were fighting the ultimate evil, something that wanted to reshape the universe. The world was being destroyed by a devil." She clenched her fists. "_Where were the angels?_"

Beast Boy stopped, horrified. "Dude, I never thought about that."

"Don't start now." Raven stopped and watched him. "I don't want you to get mixed up." They started walking again. "I can only think of two reasons. One is that there is an evil worse than Trigon, an evil that they know of and are waiting for." Beast Boy squeaked. "No, I don't like thinking about that either. The other possibility..." her voice trailed off.

"What? Raven, give me another idea. I don't want to keep thinking about something worse than Trigon."

"The other possibility," Raven said sourly, "Is that they don't care. They knew, and they saw, but they don't care."

Beast Boy didn't know much about angels, but he knew better than that. He was shaking his head even before she stopped talking. "No. No, that can't be right! They're angels! They have to care. There has to be another reason!"

Raven scowled. "What is it, then? Why didn't they help? Why did we all have to go through what we went through? Why did it have to get so _awful_ –"

"You shouldn't ask him," a voice said. "You should ask me."

Ahead of them, in the mists, stood a figure in silver armor, twelve feet tall. He had wings, gray like the mists that surrounded them, and he carried a sword. His voice echoed within his helm but it still sounded pleasant, almost casual.

This time Beast Boy grabbed Raven's arm. "Raven, that's a – that's a –"

"Yes." Raven raised her voice and shouted, "What is your name?"

The angel drew himself up and called back, "BELATHAPHEL!" Heaven itself seemed to rock with the sound of his voice. But then the figure shrank down, until it was only six feet tall, the wings curling and settling in on themselves.

Belathaphel took off his helmet. He had blond hair and calm, sad gray eyes. "But we don't have to shout at each other. You've come a long way. Ask your question."


	3. Chapter 3

_Her question? _

Even after everything she'd done, she didn't, on some level, really think she'd be able to summon angels – or summon herself to an angel – and get away with it. She'd dared to yell at one? And Belathaphel had called back, neatly returning her energy, and stood there, not angry, just understanding, ready to answer her. He was treating her like a human being, and not like a –

Raven half-turned, not wanting the angel to see her eyes. As she struggled with with what she wanted to say, she was shocked to hear Beast Boy ask in a very small voice, "Mr. Belathaphel? I'm Beast Boy, and this is Raven, and we're from the Teen Titans. We –"

"Beast Boy!" Raven hissed. "You're talking to an angel who's been a messenger to humankind for thousands of years. _He knows who we are!_"

"That is true," Belathaphel said. "I know who you are. I know about your fight with the demon Trigon. I believe I know why you are here. But -" he inclined his head to Beast Boy, "Your courtesy does you credit. Ask your question."

"Um. Okay. It's not really my question. But I was there. I mean, in the fight. And it's a good question. And if it makes you mad, then, um, it _is_ my question. We want to know – I mean I want to know –" Beast Boy squared his shoulders and glanced at Raven – "_I_ want to know, when we fought Trigon. Where were the angels?"

"Your question?" Belathaphel asked mildly. "Yours alone?"

Ashamed and more touched than she wanted to admit by Beast Boy's bravery, Raven burst out, "Of course not. You know whose question it is – it's mine. I fulfilled the prophecy and destroyed the world. We almost died. Millions of people suffered. Where were you?" She raised her head and glared at the angel, no longer caring that her eyes were glowing red. "Where were you? Azarath was destroyed. My mother is dead. In the name of Azar, _**WHERE WERE YOU?**_"

The last words came out as a scream that silenced even the half-heard whispers around her. The mists settled around them. Heaven went silent. Raven could hear nothing but the scrape of Beast Boy's boots as he shuffled his feet, not sure if he'd be running or fighting in the next few seconds.

Belathaphel looked at the both for a long time.

"All thinking beings, except the Ultimate Good and the Ultimate Evil, have within themselves their own demise," he began. "Those who are evil may choose to do good, as those who are good may choose to bend to temptation. Until the very last breath we may all change our nature."

_Terra_, thought Beast Boy, with a sharp pain. Belathaphel nodded to him, and continued, "If we could not do this, we would not truly be alive. What we did would make no difference, because we would not do it out of free will. Angels mourn wickedness, and demons hate goodness, but we all recognize the choice that is made."

Belathaphel bent and carefully placed his sword on the ground, putting his helmet beside it. "Trigon had the potential for good and passed it to his daughter. Though her parentage Raven has a small capacity for good and an essential nature of evil."

"Raven is _not_-" Beast Boy began hotly, but stopped when Belathaphel raised his hand.

"Raven chose the good," the angel said, "and acted against the nature of her father. Raven made that choice over and over again. Even when it was difficult, even when it was overwhelming, even when it meant going to what she believed was her death, Raven choose to turn away from her parentage."

Raven said nothing. _Of course I did_, she thought. _There was nothing else I could do. _

"Yes there was," Belathaphel said, answering her thoughts. "You could have embraced that darkness. You could have decided that evil was an easier choice – and it would have been, for a while. You would not have had to worry about losing control, or hurting people – had you accepted your father's nature, you would not have cared. Had you taken that path the world would be much different today and -" Belathaphel smiled – "you would not be welcome in heaven."

"I know she did all that, and I know it wasn't easy, so dude, why didn't you guys _help_?"

Raven wanted to shush Beast Boy, to warn him, but she could barely move. To hear someone talking so casually about her parentage, the evil she couldn't be rid of – she felt paralyzed by humiliation, by a crushing sense of guilt.

"Because she had to_ keep making that choice_," Belathaphel explained, "all the way to the end of her battle with her father. Had we intervened she would not have been able to decide. Without the moral decision she would not have been able to destroy Trigon. Had we interfered the war could not have truly ended."

Raven found her voice. "So you let us all suffer. So you let my father hurt those people – you let _me be the cause_ –"

Belathaphel took her hand. "We let you act as thinking beings. We could do nothing else. But Raven, that fight is over and I can help you now. Please, look at me."

Raven looked up and into the angel's clear gray eyes. He said softly, "You were your father's pawn, but you were never his puppet. None of the responsibility was yours." Belathaphel's voice got softer and lower, until she was almost feeling his words against her skin, in her bones. "Raven, in the name of heaven, with the voice of all the angels I tell you this: _it was not your fault._"

She gasped and sank to her knees, the words hitting her like physical blows. Belathaphel remained standing, holding her hand, and she thought distantly that even when an angel was kind, he could be terrible in the old sense of the word, terrifying and distant. "It was not your fault," he repeated. "We could not help you destroy your father but we can help free you from this. Raven, _be healed._"

An ache started in Raven's chest, her throat closed, and she blinked against a sudden surge of tears. _This is healing? _

She opened her eyes to see Belathaphel kneeling before her, and heard his words in her head. _Yes. This is grief. It will lead to healing. You cannot hurt me or your friend, and your powers will do no damage to heaven. Let go. Be healed. _

So Raven cried.

She cried for her mother and Azarath. She cried for her friends and all that she had put them through – _that was not her fault_, Belathaphel's voice reminded her. She cried for Trigon, for the choices he had made or not made, and what she had had to do. And in a small way, she cried for the burden she was laying aside and the guilt she was giving up, knowing her life would be different now, that she could make choices outside her father's shadow.

And through it all Raven was vaguely aware of Beast Boy beside her, his arm around her shoulders, patting her awkwardly and saying over and over, "Of course it's not your fault! Dude, _nobody_ ever thought it was your fault..."

At long last – hours later? Minutes later? Days later? – the tears stopped. With a weariness she had never felt before, Raven let Beast Boy help her to her feet. Though eyes swollen almost shut she looked at Belathaphel. He looked back, then smiled and said simply, "You are welcome here. But the question has been answered and I will send you back to the mortal world."

Exhausted, Raven could only nod. Beast Boy said soberly, "Thank you, Mr. Belathaphel."

Belathaphel unfurled his gray wings and stirred the mists of heaven, until Raven and Beast Boy were standing in a blur of silver that spun around them faster and faster and faster …

…. until they were standing in Raven's room, white sand scattered all over the floor, books everywhere, and the door open. Cyborg, Starfire, and Robin were standing in the doorway, staring at them.

TtTtTtTtTt

Beast Boy helped Raven walk to her bed and sit down. "I'll be right back," he said quietly. Then he turned to the other Titans. "C'mon, guys, leave her alone."

Raven heard the rumble of Cyborg asking a question and Beast Boy replying, "You will totally _not_ believe me, but I'll tell you anyway. I promise. But it'll have to wait 'til later."

Robin asked, "Raven...?"

"'S'okay," she mumbled, "What he says."

She heard the door close as they left, and a few minutes later it slid open again. Beast Boy handed her a cold washcloth and some tissues. "Trade for your cloak." As Raven blew her nose and washed her face, he hung up her cloak and wandered around the room, stacking up the scattered books and trying to make some kind of order.

After a while he came back and sat on the floor by the bed. "I don't know where the books go."

"I'll get them tomorrow." At the moment even moving the books back on the shelves seemed impossible. Raven pressed the cool cloth against her eyes, trying to remember what Belathaphel had said, trying to remember exactly how it sounded … "Beast Boy," she said suddenly, her voice muffled by the washcloth, "You heard what he said?"

Beast Boy grimaced. "How could I miss it? He sounded like a hundred English teachers. Here, take your shoes off. You don't want to wake up in the morning with your feet all gross."

Raven toed off her shoes and lay down, pulling the blanket over one shoulder. "Maybe he didn't say it."

Beast Boy was still sitting on the floor so when he turned to stare at her she could just see his eyes over the edge of the bed. "Dude. I was there. He said it wasn't your fault. He said it for all of heaven." He grinned. "Sucks for Super Alone Girl to have a bunch of angels on her side, but that's the way it is."

Raven was silent.

Beast Boy looked at the sigil on the floor, then at the books scattered about. "Raven … I believe Belathaphel. I never thought it was your fault. And I'll always remember. And if you ever stop believing what he said – just ask me. I'll tell you a hundred times a day if you want. It really wasn't your fault. You choose good and you never stopped, even when it was awful."

It's hard to be scared when you're really, really sleepy, but Raven felt a heavy dread. "I want – what he said – I really want it to be true. But I'm so afraid it's not."

She felt a tugging on the blanket. Beast Boy had grabbed a corner of it. He pulled on it and announced, "It's not your fault!" He tugged it again. "Not your fault!" And again. "It's _still_ not your fault..."

Raven reached over to take the blanket away from him and found herself taking his hand, sleep almost overwhelming her. "Not my fault."

"Nope," he said, smiling and blushing at the same time. "Not your fault."

"Just stay here a minute," Raven said through a yawn. "Just for a few minutes, until it's true..." her voice trailed off, and after a few minutes she sighed, and relaxed against the pillow.

Beast Boy stayed there all night, sitting on the floor by the bed, holding her hand.


End file.
